I knew God was real when...

My friend Karen wrote a fantastic post for Big Spender Stories on Facebook. I thought I would post it here as well. Thanks, Karen for sharing your story!

When did I know God was real? Being born and raised in an all Catholic family, one never questioned if God was real. You just knew it and accepted it. You went to church faithfully every week. Said your prayers. Went to confession to confess your sins. Of course I thought I was a sinner as a child. I said and thought mean things. Didn't say the rosary every night like I should. So you probably aren't surprised that I feared God. I experienced my first panic attack in church when I was ten. Not knowing what was happening to me a fear cycle began to occur. I had to go to church every week with my class. Every week I experienced yet another panic attack. This cycle lasted until I was in my thirties. When I became old enough I stopped going to church due to this fear. I later recovered from anxiety and panic disorder. Knowing it was caused by perfectionism, guilt, high expectations, everything the Catholic Church fostered in me. It was how I reacted to the Catholic faith. I am not blaming this type of worship.
Once I stopped going to mass, a new spiritual journey began for me. I began to receive God's word through other medians, such as Sunday morning worship shows, a walk in a snowy park, looking at a clear blue sky, reading books about angels and people who experienced moments in the after life, only to come back and share these stories. I talked to people who had some really cool spiritual encounters, visions, etc. I began to know God in another way. I do not fear him anymore but put all of my trust in Him. I joined a Lutheran church. I love the Message I receive there. The people are one loving community. I have also had spiritual encounters that I will not go into now. It was a blessing to have panic attacks in church. If I never did, I never would have known the loving, forgiving God. So when did I know God was real? Well when I deviated from what was expected of me and began my own spiritual journey.